I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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