And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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