It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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