Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
