Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
