I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want her autograph on my taint
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
