My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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