Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
