you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
