Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
