we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
