Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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