GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
