In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
