Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
