Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
