She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
