I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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