I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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