genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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