And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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