I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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