what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
