im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
