to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
