My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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