drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
