I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
