chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
