she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
