He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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