thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
