My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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