i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize