how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize