my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
