I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
