ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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