Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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