Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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