The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
