She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
