Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
