I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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