I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
