If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
