I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
