i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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