And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
