Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
