so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
