dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
