You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
