connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
smell my finger.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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