i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
