Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
