I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
