I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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