You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's the barista slut.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
