If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
