he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
