i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Someone signed my nipple.
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