i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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