end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i think my cat just said my name.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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