i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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