I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
