Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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