Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
