Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
